Since reading Michael Pollan’s The Omnivore’s Dilemma I have been suspicious about certain items in the supermarket, most notably the ones in the center aisle.

In this aisle, we see organic and non-organic pre-prepared food frozen and designed to last until the end of the world.

Most are preserved by something as simple as sodium, others are preserved by something as complicated as rocket fuel from the netherworld.

There are frozen boxes of pizza, full steak and mushroom meals in simple green boxes, Your–Not-So–McNuggets–Chicken Nuggets (free range), Fresh from the Sea Fish n’ Chips packs, and just about any other processed edibles. All of these things are guaranteed organic as evidenced by the Organic Seal of Approval.

Pollan’s observation is valid. How can the words organic land on a package of TV Dinner? Doesn’t organic mean natural and unprocessed? And doesn’t processed food mean old and unhealthy?

Well, it seems that there is a loophole in the very meaning of the word organic. After more research, I found out that the term refers only to agricultural practices. It involves the production of food without the use of pesticides, artificial fertilizers, growth hormones, genetic engineering, irradiation, and antibiotics. It does not mean natural or unprocessed.

Processed food, on the other hand, means foods that have been altered from their natural state for safety reasons and for convenience. The methods used for processing foods include canning, freezing, refrigeration, dehydration and aseptic processing.

So a farmer can grow corn organically, dry freeze it, add some sarin gas, then stuff it in can for convenience. That constitutes a processed organic food item.

In the same vein, a chicken farmer can raise his or her products without antibiotics and hormones, yet after slaughter, can process the meat along with organically grown potatoes and gravy for a classic organic chicken TV Dinner.

If this is the case, then the question to be asked should be whether organic TV Dinners are natural.

Natural food, by definition, means food items that are whole, minimally processed, and free from artificial or chemical preservatives.

Natural foods can be organically grown or conventionally grown like fruits, chicken, grains, beef etc. But not all organic foods are natural, as evidenced by the existence of organic Twinkies and mystery meat hotdogs bearing the organic seal of approval.

For the manufacturers of these organic TV Dinners, however, they claim their products fall under natural since no artificial preservatives are being used. I checked some, and yes, they are not lying. There are no artificial preservatives that could even make a Hollywood celebrity’s marriage last a lifetime.

For me, I think these organic TV Dinners are a lesser evil than their non-organic counterparts. I just hope the time that I would actually nourish myself with these meals in a box would never come. I just enjoy being deeply involved with my food right now, from my first encounters with them in the market to the preparation of the actual meals. I feel empowered because I know where my food comes from and how it is being prepared.

Here’s a breakdown of ingredients in a conventional non-organic TV Dinner we all find in the center isles of our supermarkets. I have put links into some of the more unfamiliar ingredients here for further investigation.

Non-Organic Glazed Chicken TV Dinner

Ingredients:

Cooked chicken tenderloins (chicken tenderloins, high fructose corn syrup, water, corn oil, modified cornstarch, lemon juice concentrate, sodium phosphates, salt, caramel color, potassium chloride, garlic, onion, paprika, spice), water, blanched enriched long grain rice (rice, ferric phosphate, niacin, thiamin mononitrate and folic acid), green beans, mushrooms, onions, blanched wild rice, modified cornstarch, sugar, salt, cultured whey, chicken fat, lemon juice concentrate, caramel color, dehydrated onions, spices, dehydrated garlic, paprika

Contains: milk ingredients

Note: Potassium Chloride- Harmful when swallowed. Oops!

How safe is your beef?

In a world… where movie theaters offer healthy food…

We’re planning to see Avatar tonight.

And since it is a three-hour mega movie, it would be nice if we have some goodies to gnaw.

However, many of the movie theater snack bars don’t offer anything real.

Luckily, I found an underground movie theater in the West Village that has this beauty of a snack bar.

Nah, just kidding. Not yet, at least.

Well, If James Cameron managed to invent his own camera, develop a story and create a magnificent alien world in 12 years; certainly movie houses can offer healthy stuff in their concession stand in a minute. I mean, how hard it is to introduce some fresh fruits and perhaps some raw, unsalted nuts there? How about fresh fruit juices?

For years, I have been enjoying movies in theaters as well as the processed food buffet there. Oh, that gooey nachos cheese syrup? I drank that stuff.

But now I am certain that if I continue doing so, soon I would be watching a rapid flashback of my own life just before I float towards a tunnel without an end.

Until theater food becomes healthy, I guess, I will just bring my own snacks.

That’s the best move.

How do I say no to somebody who sincerely offers something that I know is bad?

No, this is not a solvent–sniffing kind of a dilemma or a kill–someone–for–me kind of a deal. This is, as you all know by now, about food.

I am aware that, in all honesty, that somebody, a woman I’m going to call Lady in Red, does not know that the item she gives out can kill me or her or the entire population in the long run. She is a very kind and generous person–a saint trapped in this wicked earth– a well-respected citizen and a very talented and skillful human being. However, she is not health conscious.

Every time I see her, she always hands me a bar of Baby Ruth. She is giddy and glad when she gives me those sweet nothings.

Growing up, I loved Baby Ruth, and she knows it that’s why she gives me those to make me happy. But I am a grown human being now, yet somehow, she thinks I still party with that candy.

The last time I remember eating Baby Ruth was when boys like me still had Alyssa Milano in the category of Babe To Be Imagined.

I am in a conundrum. A problem that even high-minded physicists would find more difficulty in solving than the problem of Dark Energy.

What am I going to do with the Baby Ruth bars that I have amassed in my fridge?

I can’t throw them away. I can’t give them away to kids on Trick or Treat Night. I can’t share it with anyone and more so, obviously, I can’t eat them. Why? Because I know it is bad.

If I do any of these options either guilt or diabetes will cause my demise.

But if I don’t do anything, Baby Ruth will eat my fridge and I would have no more space to even cool a slice of lemon.

What should I do? I don’t want to hurt Lady in Red’s feelings by asking her to stop. What’s the best way to handle this?

As I write this blog, Sheryl Mae, with arms folded, and deep in thought, is looking inside the fridge like Edwin Hubble peeping into a Black Hole.

Help!

PS: I am investigating Organic TV dinners and will post something about it tomorrow.

I mean, seriously, how could a heavily preserved and frozen packaged meal be called organic?